I'll confess: I logged onto facebook to track down photos for the new Cast page. Apparently, deactivating your account does virtually nothing, as I logged on and it was as though I'd never been away- I had notifications, and people had even been able to write on my wall.
I'm not gonna complain about this, because it's my own fault for not checking what would happen when I joined the damn site. Whatever.
The thing I am gonna say is that I was right about leaving the site. While it was nice to see my friends seem happy (or, they want to seem happy to their facebook friends- there's a difference), it just made me sad that I wasn't. But then I stopped.
I am happy. I know this. I'm not just telling myself it; it's tangible. I want to smile most of the time; music sounds better; I'm actually excited about my subject again (save syntax)!
So, what was going on? Well, I'm not a psychologist, but I think it has to do with jealousy- even though, to be honest, and no offense Edinburgh people, I don't think I have anything to be jealous about. I'm having a blast, I'm meeting new people, I'm winning money for my poetry, I wake up to parrots in the morning. It's just a gut reaction I have: seeing other people posting about their gaiety automatically makes my green eyed monster gland swell up. Which is stupid, I admit. But I'm not alone- I know someone else who stays away from Facebook for the same reason. And I think it's just Facebook; I can be happy for people in real life, or even by email- it's because most of my friends wouldn't think to post about if they're feeling down, but they might admit it to me in confidence, or by email (everyone knows I turn each email sent to me into a stopmotion short film). So it balances out. On Facebook, it's like candyfloss, just saccharine and pink food dye.
None for me. It hurts my teeth.
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