Hammered, Tanked, Wasted, Plastered, Canned, Sloshed, Housed, Juiced Up & Crocked

Dear reader, I know you hold me up as a paragon of virtue and decorum. I know that what you are about to read will destroy your faith in humankind, ie. me. But I must be honest with you, reader, otherwise this entire blog is just a pointless exercise in onanism for me.
And none of us want that.
So, I'll level with you, reader, treat you like an adult and tell you things that I hope you're mature enough to understand.
I got absolutely wasted last night.

Not quite as wasted as this.

I wouldn't normally use 'wasted' when I can still, with relative confidence, remember what happened the previous night. And I can. Every. Sordid. Detail.
Allow me to set the scene; it's Milly's birthday today and she decided to host a party in her parents' house, about an hour and a half away from Yarra, as Kookaburra flies. I drove up with Aspen, Manthy, Jason and Smeargle, and we were all pretty tightly packed into the back (Manthy gets carsick and so got to sit in the front.)
It was hot and uncomfortable, but I was excited and we passed the time playing twenty questions (we all got stumped over Michael Caine, who, did you know, has won an oscar? Smeargle did.)

Suave mother, ain't he?

Anyway, we arrive, after a minor drama over a tollroad and the accidental taking thereof, and pile into 'the unit' (a second building built on the main land of Milly's house) where the party was to take place. We settled in, watched a little TV, snooped about the house and then the business of presents began. I read Milly  the poem I wrote (an acrostic), Aspen and Smeargle gave her drawings, Logan got her a USB, Alec got her Fifty Shades of Grey and Cass got her a potato. I believe it was around this time I took my first drink; I'd purchased some vodka with cranberry (40%) and Manthy was kind enough to give me some raspberryade with which to to mix it.

Above: my bloodstream, last night.

I was drunk within minutes, and I don't mean tipsy, I mean drunk. There's a video of me singing along to Nelly Furtado's I'm like a bird from about twenty minutes after this drink. I was the first one drunk and I don;'t know why cos it took me about two hours to get drunk after TWWOO, and a lot more vodka (I remember I was halfway through the bottle when it was pointed out I was even heavier on my feet than normal- I'd had maybe a quarter of a bottle when I was three sheets to the wind last night.)

Can you tell?

All I could do was be thankful that I was happy, TWWOO drunk Rory and not miserable, Bedlam drunk Rory. I participated in all the games, danced, sang, made people laugh and was generally agreed to be the life and soul of the party; some people, notably Adrian with whom I duetted on Circle of Life (lifting Jason as an impromptu Simba) and Cee Lo Green.

I see you driving 'round town with the girl I love!

Sadly, it wasn't all sweetness and light- I managed to smash a glass with my bare hands (but didn't cut myself)- just by banging on the side of it, in the manner of a speech. Luckily, I wasn't the only one and I did learn my lesson and managed to avoid punching the TV placed precariously against the dancing wall. I did start to sober up shortly after this incident, and decided I didn't want to face the rest of the party sober, knowing what I'd done (it was about ten o'clock at this point); so, I deliberately re-intoxicated myself.

Really didn't take that long.

This might have been a bad thing to do, having already broken something in my drunken state, but I find it hard to regret, since I went right back to singing, dancing and generally living it large.

Large and in charge.

I remember drunk pass the parcel, with questions instead of prizes, and how I fashioned a hat and gloves out of the discarded newspaper (after building myself a nest).

Made from 100% recycled materials.

During this game, Ellie said she wanted me as her child; I was also declared most likely to appear of Sixty Minutes (a news talk show) and go to jail, so I had to do two dares: one tell a story about someone in the room (I chose to make Martin a fairy princess of Oz) and do an interpretive dance entitled 'the death of the butterfly', which I'm really hoping wasn't filmed. This was filmed, for some reason:

There was a Milly trivia round, where I insisted we be called 'the Periwinkles', still not sure why, pizza, which I devoured and with which I managed to avoid a hangover (in the stead of weetabix, see) and a deep, meaningful conversation with Logan and Jason where I opened up about my depression last summer.
All in all a really enjoyable night in a part of Australia I hadn't seen before (Check out 'The Mornington Peninsula' page for photos taken from my walk there this morning, WARNING: there are a lot of photos).

+2 to improvisation, -6 to navigation

I’ve just returned from a theatre games workshop- yet again, the first time I’ve done one since last year. It was being run by a bunch of ex-students of the University of Melbourne and there was even someone who was in Neighbours there! (A squee, I do confess, a squee.) It was billed to me as an improvisation workshop, but apart from ole reliable Spacejump (“it’s like a Russian doll”, “a one person activity that isn’t that”- theatre introductions are identical the world over, it would seem), there were actually very few games involving theatrical improvisation.

They were more the kind of games that are employed by enthusiastic teens whilst they take care of disinterested youths- but fun, nonetheless. I will be returning next week, assuming I am told the time- the world really is geared towards those with Facebook. It was nice to hang with folks my own age who aren’t the rec room 2 crew and I got a free sociolinguistics textbook out of it- I even met some ex-exchangers, and got a glimpse of what life may be like post-uni for those of us who have flown so close to the sun that is living abroad.

Today also marks the first time I felt I got the full value of my day ticket- I went from Fairfield, to Melbourne central, to Brunswick, back to Melbourne Central and eventually to Clifton Hill. It was in use for nigh on six hours!

I would also like to relate a small incident I had in trying to reach this workshop- as with everything worth doing, there were several minor inconveniences. First off it was, raining, Edinburgh-style. Mini-rivers, with tides and ox-bows, the whole shebang, sprang up like cupcake shops in an affluent cycle. But the real inconvenience was finding the place.

The workshop took place at ‘Broken Mirror Productions’- which I really expected to leave Google blank- but no, it was one of their first suggestions. I noted down the directions from Google maps dutifully, and they got me absolutely nowhere. Unless ‘left’ and ‘right’ have changed meaning in the past few days and I wasn’t informed- it was probably put on Facebook- I was lead to the middle of an alley, between two carpet shops, and the directions were proudly telling me that this was an avant garde arts space.

I then tried using Google navigator on my phone, and was there in minutes. Why they can’t share information between the two, I have no idea, but they’re obviously run by different people, and I gotta say maps, navigator are kicking your ass. You have two weeks to turn it around. 

P.S. I guess I have no sense of direction in Australia, either. Alack. 

A thousand words

Just a quick note to say some of you (like, two out of four) might have noticed that my profile pic has changed twice in the last day. The first change was to the infamous Rowden White sign, seen here:

Ladies.

Whilst I do adore this sign and all it represents, I cannot claim to have had any part in its production; I took the photo (cue swoons), yes, but the central joke is not mine. And so I felt bad flaunting it (this is also why I changed from my original pic, which I also adore, but which was made by the lovely Rosie Curtis). The new pic was not drawn by me, but is a picture of me, sketched by Darryl (who you may remember from my initial rec room 2 post- I don't think he's shown up since). You can see a larger version here:

A commemorative, non-olympiad stamp.

I feel it's ok to display this because while I didn't create it, I was the muse and thus contributed to its creation.

This note ended up not being that quick.

There once was a man from Nantucket

My Australian friends took their first look at this little ol' blog of mine a couple of days ago and seemed to take it with good grace; I take this as a sign to continue updating in the relatively candid manner in which I have been doing.
So, to what has your beloved wizard been getting up, I hear you ask. Well, as those of you who follow my twitter will have heard, but probably not comprehended, I 'won free internet using my poetry'. Allow me to elaborate:

'Twas the night of the quiz night

And all through the house

The tension was palpable-

A fire that one couldn't douse

We split into teams, and

Oh me oh my

Two teams wanted a piece

Of the old wizard pie

I had to decide

Between my fellow exchangers

and the rec room 2 crew,

to whom I wasn't a stranger

I chose rec room 2

Since I wanted to seem

Like a genuine Australian

Like one of the team

The prize was quite good;

An internet bundle,

worth thirty five dollars-

It merited a trundle

The competition was fierce,

And I answered a few,

But the exchangers were on fire

And there was little we could do

The foreigners won, 

and my team came third-

For this we got nothing,

Which I felt was absurd

The prizes rewarded;

But there were bundles to spare,

They could still be won

In a classic talent fair

Four of us stood,

Determined to please,

The contest began

When a girl walked on her knees

Both Shane and Logan

Elected to quote

Their beloved Game of Thrones,

Which they've both learnt by rote

But Shane sadly faltered,

His tongue got most tied,

Logan breezed on,

Took it all in his stride

I was next to the bat,

I looked at them all,

Then launched into 'chickens',

And left them in a thrall

It was time for the judging-

"Cheer for your fave!"

They read out my name

And the sound roared like a wave

I couldn't believe it!

My fortunes reversed!

Where once I was a loser

Now I was first

I was elated

As ever I was

Certainly a victory

For the wizard in Oz

And that's how it happened. They like me, they really like me!

What else? Well, I've just come back from a trip to the 'mana bar' (a videogames bar) and a club with the rec room 2 crew. I also went to a hipster bar with Manthy and Milly on thursday; I quite liked it, since the music was halfway decent, even if the drinks were overpriced- however, I don't think it was quite what the two Ms were wanting. I'm also really enjoying my classes at present- all my lecturers are engaging, and the courses they're teaching are really quite interesting. We were talking in Language, Society and Culture about how 'no homo' has allowed young men to express their feelings without being seen as gay (finally!), and Second Language Teaching has been telling me about behaviourist theories and Language Acquisition, which I've always enjoyed. Even Syntax hasn't gotten onto X-bar theory yet, though I'm not hopeful for when the shit hits the fan.
So far, Australia's pretty fly.

The only one he ever feared

Finally updating from the ol' Y to the A-RR-A; I've borrowed a charger from Jason. So, what's been going on since I last upadated y'all? (Esmond now reads as well- SQUEE!)
Well, I saw a possum during the day. It was humungous! It just ran out in front of me as I was walking to the bus stop on wednesday morning; it scampered up a tree and then sat there staring at me and urinating. I hope these two actions were not related. I also visited a 'chocolate restaurant' with Millie, Victoria and Martin- the furniture wasn't sculpted from chocolate, as I'd hoped, but the waiting staff were so 'comme ci, comme ca'.
There was a party in Games room 1 last night- a brilliant opportunity to observe the Australian student in its natural environment; turns out they drink alot and challenge one another to 'Aboriginal-offs'. Guess what that consists of.
I watched the opening ceremony of the 2012 olympics in rec room 2; I was the only Brit there, and so had to apologise for the shortcomings of said event- although I personally thought that Mary Poppins vs Voldermort was not only inspired, but also nucking futs. And I don't know if that's good or not.

How do you say 'jumped the shark' in olympiad?

I wasn't gonna watch, but then I realised that London 2012 is, unfortunately, going to come up alot in the future, and now, when it does, I'll be reminded of that warm 'winter's' day, sitting on the faux leather sofas with my ozzie mates and ripping on Danny Boyle. I think that's about as fun as the olympics are ever gonna get.

For anyone.


Ever.



So now they can stop showing it.





Please.

Postera Crescam Laude

I have given into temptation and bought one extra-large, navy blue hoody with the university of Melbourne logo proudly brandished across it. The pricetag was kinda scary- $100!- but my mother said she’d pay for me to get one, so I’m trying to see past that. I am painfully aware that in two years I will most likely purchase an Edinburgh equivalent and thus my collection will be complete.

Hoody aside- it’s too warm to wear it- I am very sorry for not having updated y’all (I know for a fact that both Spanish Daniel and my parents are reading this, and so it’s ‘y’all’ and not ‘you both’) since Saturday, but in my defence, I have new friends now and y’all seem kinda dull by comparison.

Yes, O-week, the exchange students’ freshers week, has begun and has bought with it the chance to talk to people without seeming precocious. So far, I’ve met Will, who I’m seeing as the Universe’s way of balancing out Esmond’s infidelity as he’s from McGill, Jason, a quiet home-schooled New Jersey-ite, Daryll, a Korean illustrator and fellow nerd, Clara, a contemplative Spanish biologist and Bastian, who’s Dutch and that’s all I really know about him. In terms of actual ozzies, there are Logan and Aspen- who I feel have to be mentioned together, so inseparable are they- Victoria, Elle and Ben. I don’t really know any of these people tremendously well, but they are at least people who I can count amongst my acquaintance and speak to of an evening. It seems the place to go in the evenings is the second floor rec room, there to be found are assorted nerdly activities like playing playstation 3, monopoly, minecraft, magic: the gathering or trying to solve the tetris cube.  It’s noisy but friendly, and I’m working up the courage to step in there on my own one of these days.

As to the events themselves, they’re rather self-conscious, but can be quite fun. There was a poorly-thought through scavenger hunt which wended too far from the building and that no one really completed follow by a barbeque which everyone without fail completed. There was the casino royale night, which boiled down to one in ten people in suits, playing poker, dissolving quite early but leading into another night in the second floor rec room. Then last night there was ‘christmas in July’, which frankly was just an industrially cooked roast dinner in the cafeteria with some Christmas decorations put up. I’d love to say that by leaving at 7.30 I was ducking out early, but I was one of the last to leave. I was really tired so I skipped the rec room and went to bed. There’s nothing on tonight, as far as I’m aware, but I’m hoping I’ll find some activity to latch onto, as I finished my book today and if I start another one tonight I’ll feel like a harlot.

One phenomenon I need to remark upon is that old people feel they can eavesdrop on one’s conversations and then give their revered opinion- it happened to Jason and me on the bus yesterday and Emma, Esmond and me a couple of weeks ago and I only mention it cos they’re discussing spiderman at the next table and I really want to weigh in, but I can’t cos I still have all my original teeth and they’ll (justly) think I’m rude and weird. Alas.

Is there anything else to say? Um. I’ve been passing my days by going into the uni campus and should really start venturing out to the rest of the city soon- I did go to a pawn shop and Aldi with my yarra friends yesterday, but that doesn’t feel adventurous and I can’t imagine why. Once I find someone to explore the city with, hopefully, I’ll have more to write about and I’m also looking into finding some way of taking photos. Watch this space.