I have not used this blog for three years; but then, I haven't been in Melbourne for three years. This was my blog for when I was in Melbourne and now I'm back, I thought 'why not?' and reopened it.
What I want from this holiday changes based on my mood: part of me is saying I should do all the things I never quite managed when I lived here- going to the zoo, doing the climbing wall, etc.; another part thinks I should be doing all the cultural things Melbourne has to offer- the many galleries, museums, libraries and such; and one bit of me just wants to pretend that it's still 2013 and resume my life as though nothing has changed- go to the university campus, scrounge off wi-fi wherever possible, eat at all the places I used to eat. Yesterday, the latter voice won.
Since it was my first day and I was pretty exhausted from getting up at 3.00 am to catch my plane, I hadn't really expected to do much yesterday. I thought I'd check into my hostel, maybe take a nap and then go and find some food. Instead, having secured my bed for the night, on a last minute spur, I decided to return to my alma mater.
The problem was, I didn't remember how to get there.
I was too proud to ask or even to google, so I just set off in a direction with the vague recollection that that was the way I used to walk. I ended up taking an extremely circuitous route, past Victoria Market and a plethora of gyms, up and around and finally down onto the campus I knew.
It hadn't changed. It was strange to walk around and see all these sites and shops I was so familiar with. I spent a lot of time in Union House when I was a student and going back, almost nothing had changed- there was only one new shop which I could see and even all the posters seemed the same. It made me feel like someone had been keeping the university preserved just for me, my own personal museum.
Going back to the Rowden White Library, my favourite place on campus, was a blast from the past. Returning to that bohemian atmosphere, that dream-like, pastural seating area where one is instructed not to learn, the napping room where students sleep litter-style, was just heavenly. And then I saw that they were still displaying the poem that I'd written for them years ago at the front desk. I never signed it, but I like to think that lots of people, queueing up to check out a book, have looked at my ode and wondered what kind of nerd had nothing better to do than write a poem about a library.
There was actually a graduation ceremony happening while I was on the campus- lots of people walking around in gowns and caps, taking almost as many photos as I did, lining up to stand next to anything that bore the university crest. I think these people, assuming they did a standard three year course, would have started at Melbourne just as I left. I might have seen them briefly, during the two weeks I stuck around after my classes were over, but really they were the next generation. The people bought in to replace me. And they were already done with it.
I wondered, as I walked around, if I should've fought harder to stay at Melbourne. It clearly still holds a place in my heart and is important to me. Watching the graduands (they hadn't finished yet), I felt a surge of jealousy- these were the people who'd stayed, the ones who'd made Melbourne their permanent home. I was the silly sod who'd left. Could I have stayed? I don't know. Certainly, I didn't try very hard- I didn't kick up a fuss, or make grand, empassioned arguments or even offer to pay. I made a few enquiries, was gently rebuffed and let it go. I'm kind of angry at myself now. Oh well.
When I was walking around Melbourne Central, I got my first sighting of someone I used to know. Sadly, I didn't recall his name and I'm not sure he ever knew who I was anyway. He was a man from the university queerspace who, like the eleventh doctor, always bow ties. This fashion choice stuck with me and when I saw him I almost ran up to hug him. Sadly, I don't know how a conversation between us would pan out so I decided to demur to the better part of valor and slink off, but it was still nice to see a familiar face.
An even more familiar face surfaced when, later in the evening, I went to see Aiden. We met outside his work, went to get dinner, and talked for six hours. Some of the time we were catching up, sometimes we were discussing movies (a favourite pastime of yore) and sometimes we just exchanged memories of when I used to live here. It was wonderful. It was exactly what I wanted. When I first decided to come back to Melbourne, I was cautious, worried that my friends and I would have changed too much, we'd be unable to connect. With Aiden, this was not the case; we picked up as if I'd just been away for a weekend. This bodes well for other meetings.
Speaking of other meetings, I've just come back from seeing David- I was less worried about meeting David because I saw him last year in Paris. Still, that was eighteen months ago and it's always nice to see him; we talked about life and science and Pokemon Go- all the important things. I'm joining his D and D game next week as a special guest and we discussed the character I'll be role-playing and I realised this would be the first bit of acting I've done in almost two years. I'm really looking forward to getting back into it and I think a role-playing game will be just the place for it.
I'm currently sitting in Victoria State Library, where I used to go once upon a time to complete essays in a more picturesque setting when I was sick of the campus. It really is a gorgeous building, with some interesting displays inside (including Ned Kelly's armour) and, very helpfully in my post-phone state, free wi fi.
At the moment, I'm just spending my time in Melbourne retreading old walks and indulging in nostalgia but it's very enjoyable. Honestly, if the rest of my holiday pans out like this, I'll consider it a massive success.
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